Now its worse than it ever was

My nuetrophil count is still low.
Last test came up with 800 million per litre of blood...well that sounds like a lot, however normal nuetrophil levels are from 3 to 7 billion per litre of blood.
So i have to watch myself, no soft cheeses, salads or unpeeled fruit...for some reason.

Apparently smoking increases the nuetrophil count, so i have an excuse to chain smoke now.

If someone sneezes on me i might die, how reassuring.

wash your hands people!

laters.

Boring!

I got out of hospital a few days ago, i was only in a week but it seemed like forever. i got reaquainted with my childhood friend television though, watching ben 10 all day.
every time i have been in hospital bar this time i hadnt been myself, rather psychotic in fact, so time always seemed to fly right by. However this time i was sane so the week i was in seemed like a year.
Anyway the reason i was in hospital was because my medicine lowered my white blood cell count to a dangerously low level, which left me prone to infection. I would have thought hospital would have been the worst place for me in that condition due all the infections around there. The day i left there was an outbreak of c.diff so i think thats why they kicked me out, i was glad to go.
Now im on a new medication which is alright.
Should i get the swine flu vaccine, i dunno?

curious sickness

I was feeling perfectly fine this morning however at about 2pm i went outside for a smoke, walked down to the end of the veggie garden sat down and in the next few seconds i forgot where i was, i forgot everything about myself, i wondered who and where i was, i got a massive headrush and walked back to the house.
While i was walking, i suddenly got really tired and everything started to go black. 30 seconds later i was really cold, had a wicked bad headache and aches all over my body.
I felt the same for most of the day until i had a painkiller.

what the fuck happened? did i have a stroke? my nurse has been worried about my blood pressure and heart rate.

I feel fine now...i dont understand.

Do you know the times?

A while ago i was told to listen to Emilie Autumn. So, i downloaded one of her albums, it was called "Opheliac" which immediately put me off, because of it sounding like some 14 year old girls myspace name.
So i never went near it when listening to music, however in the last few days i started listening to it and its not that bad, its a bit cheesy at times but altogether its a good album.

Swallow - awesome song.

I start my course in creative writing next week, I'm rather excited, i haven't done anything like this since school, in my excitement i bought Ted Hughes collected poems even though i have it on ebook.

I'm currently reading Jack Kerouac's "On The Road" - so far its an amazing book, I'm half way through. It makes me wanna tour America in an old Chevy.

Let the babies cry

It was my cousins wedding today, I'm still a bit tipsy, strange because i didn't have much to drink, empty stomach chaps.
My dad and i were starving so we went to McDonald's - bad move! I'm not fond of McDonald's but the one in Ashbourne is just ridiculous, full of fat people who use the word "wah" 5 times in each sentence.... never again.

For the first time since before i got into hospital (this time around), I felt a desire to write, I wanna keep this going but I'm so fucking tired, I'll read for a few hours then go to bed and hopefully this motivation I'm feeling will be there when i wake up.

I hate the fact that i can never stay up into the night these days, i hate my medication solely for the fact that it sedates me into some kind of zombie on roofies - "I crave rape and sleep".

All my plans for this week have gone down the drain, planned on getting canvas, didn't happen, Its probably cos my mum wasn't here, she gets me off my arse.

This week, though, I thought about going around town, sleeping in other peoples houses and busking for money with my viola, just a dream though.

This week, i have to finish those paintings and go swimming with my dad, hopefully go to the cinema too.
I miss martin, hes a cool guy, haven't been in touch with him since Cian left, also i miss Cian, he probably wont be happy that i brought martin up before i mentioned him but he doesn't blog so I'm safe.

I'm loving Amy's blogs these days, HEYA HONEY!!

Until the next time i feel like writing, guten tag.

Regards
ME

Where is my motivation???

these days i haven't had much desire to do anything, i need inspiration.

All i have planned this week is buy brushes and canvas in town, maybe visit the writers centre, jam with Fil and Laurence and go to my cousins wedding on Saturday.

I need to take photos of friends and shit and draw them, i want at least a modest portfolio.

I have already ruined 2 perfectly good canvases trying to paint Martin Luther King. Poop!

Hiya Amy!!

Laters.

When the wind blows south

I'm finally out of hospital.
Today i went to see Bruno with eoin, twas a bit filthy, i fear sascha baron cohen is veering towards dirty jokes too much, he just wants to shock everyone into laughter.
True comedy is dead.

I saw a rather attractive girl there at the cinema and i wanted to go up to her and be all:
"hi, i hope you dont mind but my friend and i were admiring you, i thought you looked like zooey deschanel, but he thought you looked more like sandra bullock, frankly i think sandra bullock is a dog and you're way better looking than her, did i see you on the cover of vogue?"
however im not that spontaneous and i only admired her from a distance.

When i relapse my sex drive goes mad, i wanna fuck everything that moves, this was one of those occasions, maybe she wasnt even that attractive and my mind was just playing tricks on me, i dont care that much i love the feeling.
I was watching "stephen fry: the secret life of a manic depressive" the other day and i found the people he interviewed were very like me, i sometimes wonder if i have been diagnosed correctly.

My phone is acting up so i cant make or receive calls, which is shit, gonna buy a new one on saturday. Maybe some clothes too.

right now im loving craig template; http://www.myspace.com/craigtemplatemusic
its a bit of a guilty pleasure.

Tomorrow I'm getting my medication off my community nurse in navan then i'll go hang around "the shock" with laurence for a while then its jills birthday party, and screw her im not getting her a pressie, she didnt visit me in hospital so she can fuck off, im gonna go and tell everyone how much of a cunt they are.

It'll be a good day tomorrow.
LATERS GATORS!