The Addict

I only had a few cigarettes today, like 3. Which is great because every time i do light up i get a nice hit of nicotine like the morning cigarette, its lovely.

The painting of the cat looks way way better if you see it up close, WAY better, but its only a study, the end piece will be better.
But here it is anyway...KAT!

I'm completely alone at a table with friends

Relax I'm not lonely i just thought that was an appropriate title for this blog:

Just as you exit the village on the way to my house there is a rather bland looking house on the left just past a y-junction, you never see anyone coming in or going out or even any human activity in the garden, curtains and blinds always closed but everything is somehow kept preserved; grass is always cut, leaves brushed away and shrubs trimmed when its needed.
For as long as i can remember there have been guard dogs there, Dobermans, German Shepherds and now a... well I'm not sure, its a cross breed of some kind.

When I was younger I imagined the owners to be horrid people and i still do in a way.
Every time i pass that house I see the same dog wandering aimlessly or slumped next to the door (he doesn't even have a bed)looking so bored, lonely and sad.
I don't understand how somebody can do that to a dog and i want to go in and play with him but I'm afraid he won't have any of that and will want to chew on my gonads.
Every time i pass that house i feel so so sorry for him and a good deal of hate for the owners and every time i pass I can't look away from him, i actually feel guilty.

In a few years this dog will die and the owners will buy a new dog and the circle goes on.

It's an analogy for some things in our life. Sometimes, you can't control what happens, you just have to make the best out of it...story of my life.

Apparently I am not a machine...

There's so much gay art on deviant art and its really really bad too, manga, i don't mind manga but its just so very very common these days, maybe it always was, i dunno. some fourteen year old likes death note so they have to dream up a scene where they seduce Light. I HATE DEVIANT ART....(sometimes)....BUT MOST OF THE TIME!...(occasionally)...
Mediocrity...it's mediocrity's fault, my arch nemesis.

Drugwolf is a banging song!

When i find my camera, which is apparently my mothers now, I will take a photo of my cat and you can see how much I need to learn and how much better i am than that ridiculously hot art student who will remain nameless.
(I have an exhibition coming up and i didn't even try, you've been doing this your whole life, oh shit, I'm really sorry, i didn't mean to hurt you, friends?)

My knee is feeling great, if i played rugby i could play rugby, YAY!

DAZEDAZEDAZE today, i just said i was observing but they still looked at me cock-eyed even though everyone else has more than one imaginary friend and i do not, but I've been told its with cases like mine that death can occur without anyone especially yourself knowing, but I'm feeling good and i plan to do something this week, like last week and nobody will judge me anymore.

Also I heard Laurence has a std, I'm not judging I'm just spreading the word...BECAUSE I'M A GOOD FRIEND!

My oxy-acetylene torch...

ITS TOO FUCKING HOT!

crap

Do I really have to work on such a nice day? It doesn't seem fair or ethical even.

People from Emerica...

especially that model who is kinda hot but not kinda hot, shes adorable though and those videos are class. HEIL!

IQ Ratings of Over 140 - Genius or near genius

I love iq tests and i am usually proud of the results but not so proud as to shove it in other peoples faces (except my brother cos even though he has only an above average iq he is the more successful one and he needs reminding of how much more intelligent i am).

But iq tests are strange, i often wonder how accurate they actually are.
Since my first iq test back in school which gave me 130something I have had a lot of conflicting results.

The lowest being 120something and the highest being 157. I dont know which to believe, its things like this that frustrate me, OH PLEASE JUDGE ME, YOUR PRAISE IS MY SUSTENANCE!! 157 = genius? i dunno. I'm smart but I'm not a genius, genius is like rainman or john von neumann or rick james.


Today was the grand national and i bet for the first time since i was 10 or something, it was also the first time i watched a horse race since i was said age.
It was more of an unconscious decision; my dad said he was going to the village to place a bet and asked me would i like to put a fiver on one of the horses, i was reading so i just "yeah sure" not really knowing what i had done but anyway i ended up glued to the tv at 4.15 when the race was on, very concerned about my money.
I never realised the trauma those horses endure.

First of all a huge crowd of trainers, jockeys and officials and 39 other horses in a little space. One of the horses was sweating like Roger Ebert and seemed very distressed, so much so that the jockey couldnt mount him, 3 people holding his reins keeping him in position so that little man might have a chance to get on him. That horse ended up forfeiting the race.

Then of course theres the jockey whipping the horse like cream.

And the fences which do kill horses occasionally, thats not nice.

I felt horrid guilty after watching that race. Not gonna happen again.

My cat is coming on nicely. pics soon.

doo doo, doo doo, doo doo, doo dah dah doo, dooooo.

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?

Had fun last night, it really is lovely to see old friends. Topics of conversation included the glee version of don't stop believing -vs- the original, the national colour of Ireland and ninja cats...Oh and chatroulette.

No discipline once again because I have to help larlar with his stories, which I don't mind, in fact it will be a fun experience but I would like some time in the day to work, if not I'll just have to stay up at night, which is close to impossible with anti-psychotics, anti-manics and anti-convulsants.

If you know a twenty-two year old unhealthier than I, please arrange a meeting.

Also, please don't call me A-Dawg.

You do your hair, you put your frock on, nobody talks to the real you.

I was pretty much dead at 2am last night, reading Michio Kaku really takes it out of you.
I met Val and Tommy today, nice to see old friends.
I know i said i have to discipline myself for the upcoming exhibition but i got invited to a party for tonight so no dice. Ugh all these parties, SINSINSIN!
I'm getting all Martin Luther these days.

I promise you i will do something tomorrow and if not I'll destroy something i love so yeah, thats real discipline. Maybe my ukulele, i love that a lot, shouldn't be too hard, its made of plywood and it only cost 20 squid.

How are you today? did you give in to your vices? I bet you did. I know you better than you know yourself.

Somebody give me ideas for the exhibition. NOWZ!
Something mainstream or I'll not sell a thing.

Oh my what should i wear tonight?
Not my mothers dress this time.

Auf Wiedersehn.

absolutely nothing moving faster than the speed of light.

Some of my favourite people are cats so I'm gonna draw a cat and then we'll see who's boss.

The tribulations of enforced discipline

So begins a journey which has no destination, filled with suffering and hardship because, according to that guy i talked to a few days ago, that is what make you who you are and i don't want to be a patient anymore so by logic i have to destroy myself again before i rebuild myself, seems simple, we'll see.

Also, anyone who wants to move into an old abandoned building in town with no electricity or running water like a proper crust freak, tell me, I'm with you all the way. We can use the walls as our canvas and hang anarcho-punk symbolism everywhere.

ILIKECURSIVE.

...I can make you popular

I should go to more shows on my own, it was nice to talk to strangers who were completely different to me but shared a common interest in Mr. Johnston.
But anyway the beam orchestra were great, reworking his old songs into a kind of Sufjan Stevens style but keeping Daniel's trademark voice.
One thing that disappointed me was that they only played 3 of his old songs from the early eighties, the rest were new ones or newish anyway.
There was an art exhibition too, you can tell Alex Pardee got inspiration from it.
I'll remember that night for a while. ooh and i got a teesh; the 'hi how are you' one.

The support were almost as good as the main act, cant remember what they were called but they were from Belgium. The singer was a lash and a half, she kept pulling up her dress just a little bit and swaying to the rhythm. tasty.

Today i have to do stuff. later gater.

...But time is money at a penny arcade...

Daniel Johnston tomorrow, joy is rare these days, sing to me darling.